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1. One in Eight Billion

I have a better chance of getting struck by lighting than the happiest man alive picking up the phone and calling me.

The next logical thing to do is to put out an advertisement for the real Happiest Man Alive to call me.

I decide that the best way to prove he's the Happiest Man Alive is to try his system out on myself.

The first step on the road to happiness is to learn how to mine yourself for diamonds.

The way to happiness is paved with good things. Will I be able to find the road?

I discover a diamond at the bottom of a deep, dark cave. Will I be able to get out of here with it?

This is the answer to the riddle of who I am.